Graduate...

My "much awaited" B.Tech degree arrived yesterday, much awaited 'cause my parents were getting worried sick about my result in final semester and when will my degree arrive since convocation got over around 2 weeks back. Actually they were thinking that i had already checked out my result over the net or something but wasn't telling them, and this suspicion being due to my habit of never checking my result when i am at home and i usually defer checking the result for as long as possible even if that means directly collecting the gradesheets from institute's office :)
Most people are really eager like my family members are to see the reult to check the score.... its been like this since the day i can remember from school to competitive exams to IIT... i clearly remember my mom used to write down my roll nos. that used to arrive on admit cards for different competitive exams so she could pass them down to my sisters who were placed incharge of checking the result in case i didnt comply to their demands :) one time infact there started a cold war between me and my mom inwhich she used to hide the paper where roll nos. were written and i used to stow away the admit cards and search and destroy the paper with my roll nos. on it....
u must be thinking why i would go to such lengths and why not just check the results like regular people.... the thing is its been my philosophy of life from the day i could think logically...
it goes like this... when ever one gives an exam and is awaiting resluts at home say for exams of semester and results might come while you are still at home during the vacation or for that matter say you have given some comeptitive exam and most people around you have already calculated their scores in the paper from the proposed online solutions why dont i do all that???
well i somehow feel that say if you didnt farewell in your exams your vacations will be spoilt and your mood will be sour till the day the results of competitive exams arrive or you leave for your college and the ordeal doesnt ends there... after that when uyou check out the actual official reluts you go through the same process of greiving... on the other hand if you are supposed to get good grades in exams and stuff then it wouldnt matter if you dont check the results as you are already enjoying at home and infact there is and extra elemen of surprise when you check the actual result and you see that you performed well and it gives you a sense of celebration what i like to call "the party time" :)
anyways this is how i felt....
the other day i came online and saw a friend's status message "wish life came with an instruction manual"and it just hit me then how true it was cause i always felt that life was like a ladder with steps so high that you cant see from one step wats there on the next step a bed of roses or the thorns of rose plant? at each step we are promised that dont you worry just get over this step
and everything will be allright.... if you remember we are told he boy just study thorugh your board exams then you will be in class 11 and you will have enough time to enjoy... you ground your ass and study hard board exams are over with some tensions reults also arrive but the ordeal is over and while you havent even taken a breath of relief there is another sword looming over your head what stream to take in class 11 coaching classes for exams and what not and the 3 month break given after 10th class turns into a tuition fiesta.....
after that 11th 12th mein to padhna hi hoga cos career banane ka sawaal hai uske baad to you will be in college so dont worry 12th boards ke baad itne saare forms and competitve exams finally you manage to join an institute... lets take a case when you are able to get into one of the IITs after your result has arrived that you have got so and so rank your parents start brain storming what branch what institute saare duur ke rishtedaaron ko bhi phone kar diya jaata hai and if you can talk to an iitian at that time aww mann that gives teh parents helluva satisfaction
jaise taise you go thru counselling join some iit with some branch hoping now you dont have to work so had cause you have finaly reached some kind of top after clearing jee and stuff... your peers from other institutes(other than iits) think that you have got it all.... but no one knows that actual struggle has just started cause now you have to work hard for good grades keep up the attendance in class cause no1 wants an F grade as it is the biggest social tabboo india to not be able to complete graduation in 4 yrs of time... also if your grades are low placements mein problem hogi higher studies mein problem hogi ye woh and god knows how many tensions...
you struggle through the three years uske baad jaise taise you get an internship (althogh thats anoother 8 months project just to get an intern i wont discuss it here) and as you are in your 4th year when you should be feeling nostalgic about your past 3 years the institute decides to bring on the heat and loads your 7th semester with inf courses along with BTP and also tension of placements... and they dont leave you in 8th semester as well usmein bhi attendance ki problem final BTP submissions and what not... in the middle of all this you are able to get some kind of job ....and now while you are waiting to go and join a job your seniors have already told you by now that even though you are earning money its not a bed of roses yet and 99% chances are there that you will end up hating your job within first few months... And while you were still celebrating your graduation your mind was already lost in the thoughts about the company that you will join (even without you knowing it).....
this brings me to yet another point is there ever a final step in life when you say THATS IT this is as far as i can climb up and hell even if there are thorns on this step i will clear them up and crate my own roses without thorns... i plan to write about it later on til then...
bbye....
p.s one of my readers requested not to use slang language while writing a blog hope i havent used any but even if i have then its by mistake and please suggest the corrections in comments

SPECIES called FRIEND

An interesting species called FRIEND. Can anyone in true sense define what is a friend? People try to give many definitions like "a person who knows you better than you know yourself" "someone who is there with you in joy and in sorrow" "someone who sticks his neck out for you when you are in trouble" "a person who tries to stop you from committing mistake, and once you have made that mistake even after constant advice, sticks with you to see you through the consequences of it".... and the list goes on.
The thing is in my opinion no words can describe a friend because friendship knows no bounds, just when you think you are all alone and you are worried sick about something you find a hand on your shoulder telling you not to worry. And the most interesting part of it is the fact that you find friends at the most unusual places...

Now comes the issue of a friend's ego and the act of exchanging abuses on some issue which you two have argued upon and finally forgetting those abuses as if they are a part of routine conversation. At the end of the day FRIEND falls under the set of HUMAN BEING and it is human to have an ego, feel jealous sometimes or even feel hurt by the one person whom you trust with your life. And when this ego comes between two persons things take a whole new turn and the dynamics of relationship is totally reversed and one can find himself in a deadlock because on one hand you are supposed to be best of the chums with this person while on the other your ego is not permitting you to even speak to him just cause you ego has been hurt on some issue.... but once any one of these persons decides that i can not take this anymore and this is stupid to act this way the dead lock ends and noone cares whose ego was on the line, the same ego which had caused the deadlock in first place and nobody says so but it is mutually decided not to talk bout this issue in future. and things go unsaid the storm passes over the fields with the crops unharmed for the moment but noone notices the soil underneath has been corroded a bit. And if god forbid a friendship has to go through these storms more than once the soil underneath begins to show signs of fatigue and a day comes when the crops get uprooted as the ground below is not what it used to be... and now the things which had gone unsaid earlier start to come in the open.. a friendship which used to be UNCONDITIONAL earlier suddenly becomes a story of sacrifices made a person for the other one and the concept of tit for tat coes into picture... as the time passes by this friendship turns into a mere "hello" in public along with an "upturning of corners of lips".....
I have seen two friends drifting apart, hell even i have drifted apart from many people whom at one time used to be an integral part of my life. Whose fault was it, whose ego was bigger, what was the issue ? no one remembers yet the distance is so large no bridge is long enough to travel it...
My dear readers just take time to express how you feel to the person for whom you care, dont let things go unsaid and if you're about to loose a friend just put your stupid ego aside and try to repatch that corroded soil cause in this lifetime you will meet many people some good and some bad but very few of them will be called your friends and friendship is something which overshadows all the egos

Washed Away...

So Long.... and yet so less... as this b.tech is comin to an end things r becomin more and more simple as well as complex. on one hand another phase of the life is about to get over and goals of future shud be clear by now while on the other hand the ability to sleep, talk bout the stupidest thing, watching movies soaps and god knows doing what for hours even though deadlines are looming over the head will soon be gone... cos soon enuff while on job submission on monday 9 am will mean monday 9 am not by evening of tuesday :)
Let me describe a stupidly weird incident of the evening.. here it goes.. i with 3 of my friends. we were coming frm a walk after dinner and i say to one of them "oye me goin to the toilet wanna join", and he says sure y not and then i ask the other one - oye we were goin to the toilet wanna come? and he says yes too and we ask the last one too but he refuses well he is a lil homophobic neways... the point is how many times in ur life do u get to have this conversation with the person standing next to u and get yes for answer and no weird luks... how many times r we so comfortable around a person to ask or do such a thing?
i have to submit my btp report 3 days frm now while the project hasnt been completed yet, gotta quiz day after tomorrow, another presentaion to be made and yet here i m worried sick but still not worried enuff to work for it. its like watching all this comin to end tht energy tht zeal everything has vanished.
4 years is a long time and still it seems like yesterday i came to guwahati for the first time. i remember the day after my jee counseling although i had put iit guw. mechanical as one of my choices in tht moment afterwards i was prayin god please not guwahati not guwahati and now when its time to leave i wunder y did i ever pray tht way. It's such a strange place u dnt know a guy for past 3.5 yrs u start talkin to him in the last semester and suddenly its like u have known the guy since school days.
In first two years of engineering it was like mannn so many courses so much work load for god sakes give us a break and now its like damn it mann there was so much time so many things i wanned to do and cud have done but the time just flew by, y didnt i do those things y didnt i spend more time with my friends y didnt i do this do that ........
u knw its like u r a sea shell bought to the banks by a huge tidal wave, u try to settle down but the sea waves keep hittin u and u keep rocking back and forth.. but after sometime u find kinda safe spot where the sea waves cant affect u but suddenly one day a huge wave comes like the one which brought u to the shore the first day and washes u right off the island and takes u back to the sea and u just keep thinkin were u able to leave your mark in the sands of time or were u just washed away...

Miscommunications...

Language... An interesting thing... how the choice of words can affect something. Language is so arbitrary, a word can mean something for a person while it can mean the total opposite to other.
well i have seen words building up a relationship how someone can say the right words at the right time and make your day and the next moment the same words can cos so much hurt and pain that you regret opening your mouth in the first place. Ever since i was a child i used to wonder who came up with the concept of alphabets... i mean imagine a world in which "a" means "d" or watever everything is jumbled up same with the numbers y shud one depict unity y not symbolize it with 2.
Anyways as the title says miscommunications... sometimes i feel although so many words are there still there is a void cos all these words are also not able to convey how i feel... its like for an artist so many colors are there still its so hard to find the right color to express oneself. Sometimes even a lifetime isnt enough to truly express how one felt.
Wisemen said words are like arrows once they leave ur mouth there is no taking them back and those words can have tremendous impact sometimes desirable and sometimes disastrous and then u have to use whole lot of other words to again express how you really felt and what u really meant but sometimes its just too late to explain.... so it never hurts to think a lil b4 sayin something but then again this results in loss of spontaneity which is another interesting aspect of LANGUAGE.
So much said and done the moral is miscommunications are really hard to explain and they can cos unimaginable trouble so choose your words carefully cos even this arbitrary language can have so much impact tht u cant even imagine...

First Impression...

What is first impression? is it the image of a person u make in mind after the first time u just see them, or is it the impression after first time u talk to them? or sometimes does somebody's name only leaves an impression???
Why do first impressions matter so much? When is it that we are willing to take chance to know the person better and not be judgmental of his/her appearance and looks? What compels us to take those chances to know a person better? And why is it that they say First impression is the last impression???
Too many questions? well i m a curios person, so many questions keep springing in my mind and sometimes they make me so restless that i cant even sleep properly...
i am asking all these questions cos i think all of us try so hard to make the perfect "first impression" be it job interviews or new work place or new college or new whatever...
For instance i hate showoffs and phony people but then again i like to dress well myself is it merely an urge to look good in my own eyes or do i subconsciously want others to admire me so that i make a good "first impression".
This is the beginning i hope i am able to continue this and not leave it in the middle like most of the things i start
wish me luck...